As you grow older, your housing needs may change. Maybe you’ll get tired of raking leaves from the lawn of the house you bought 30 years ago because you liked its huge, shady backyard. You might want to retire in sunny Florida or live close to your grandchildren in Illinois. Perhaps you will need to live in a nursing home or an assisted-living facility. Sometimes, after considering your options, you may even decide to stay where you are. Deciding where to live is never easy, but if you evaluate your options carefully, you’ll find it easier to live with your decision.
Pulling up stakes: moving in with (or near) your child
Living arrangements
Moving in with (or near) your child may mean living in your own nearby apartment, living in a room in your child’s house, or living in an accessory apartment. Accessory apartments are either apartments within your child’s house (also known as in-law suites) or cottages that are set up on the premises of your child’s home (also known as Granny flats or Elderly Cottage Housing Opportunity).
Granny flats have become increasingly popular and can be purchased as prefabricated housing. However, since Granny flats are subject to zoning restrictions, check the local zoning laws before you decide to move into your child’s backyard.
Staying independent
You may worry that if you move in with (or near) your child, you’ll lose your much-valued independence. That’s a valid concern, but not necessarily an inevitable one. There are many ways you can move closer to your child without sacrificing your independence. For example, if you move in with (or near) your child, you can maintain your independence if your living area is accessible to public transportation or other facilities such as grocery stores and shopping centers. If you need it, look into hiring part-time help so that you don’t feel that you’re overburdening your son or daughter, or join a senior center or church group that provides activities and transportation for its members.
Physical considerations
If you are moving in with your child, will you have adequate privacy? Will you be able to move around your child’s home easily? If not, you might ask him or her to install devices that will make your life easier (such as tub or shower grab bars and easy-to-open handles on doors).
Sue wanted to live with her son John, but after only a few days at his house, Sue was ready to move out. She just couldn’t get up the stairs by herself, and she didn’t like asking John for help all the time. Fortunately, she saw an advertisement on television for a motorized chair that could be attached to John’s staircase and could easily move her up and down. She bought the chair, John installed it, and Sue was able to live with John after all.
Emotional considerations
When deciding whether or not to move closer to your child, ask yourself how you expect to benefit from the move, and how your son or daughter will likely respond. If you move closer to your child, will you expect him or her to take you shopping? Will you expect to be included in any party your son throws or in every dinner he eats at a restaurant? Even if you make your own friends, will you still want to be best friends with your daughter? Will you feel in the way? Will he or she expect you to help with cooking, cleaning, and baby-sitting, or, on the other hand, expect you to do little or nothing? Discussing your concerns before you move will help you avoid conflicts later.
Financial considerations
Money is an uncomfortable issue for many people, but one that needs to be discussed rationally. Before you move in with your child, consider the following questions: Will he or she expect you to contribute money towards household expenses? If you don’t, will you feel guilty? Will you feel the need to critique his or her spending habits, or are you afraid that he or she will critique yours? Can he or she afford to remodel his or her home to fit your needs? Do you have enough money to support yourself during retirement, and if you don’t, how do you feel about your child supporting you financially? Talking about money with your child before you move in will help avoid any conflicts or hurt feelings later.
When Jane moved in with her daughter Liz, she expected to pay for her part of the grocery bill but Liz wouldn’t hear of it. Consequently, Jane felt guilty about asking Liz to buy her favorite items at the store since she wasn’t paying for them. She grew more and more resentful toward Liz, even though Liz had no idea what was going on. When they finally had an argument one day, Liz realized how important it was for her mother to help pay her own way, and she gladly let her mother pay part of the grocery bill.